Who should serve on funeral? About the role of the mourner and how to decide

A funeral is something that can be called "unusual" in any home. The case where a relative always dies and the funeral must be held ten or twenty times a year is a very rare case. Certainly, you may receive a notice of attending a funeral from another house in the year you gave the funeral at your own house. And you may actually go to another family's funeral several times. However, it is unlikely that you will be involved in a funeral on a weekly basis unless you are also doing funeral-related work. In other words, funerals are not an everyday thing, unlike many things in work and life.

Being extraordinary also means being unfamiliar. In fact, if you search the internet, you will find various information such as how to proceed with the funeral, how to wrap the incense, and the amount of money. If you have had a relatively large number of funerals, your relatives may ask you questions about the funeral. Because funerals are extraordinary, many people are "what to do" or "suddenly in trouble". There is an exchange of opinions that "I am doing this" in the housework and work that I often do on a daily basis, but it is unlikely that I will be taught in a hurry without knowledge.

It is extraordinary. That's why when you become a party, you rush to acquire knowledge, check with people who are likely to know it, and you don't know what to do if you are in trouble.

This time, I will focus on the "mourner" among the many knowledge of funerals. What kind of person is a mourner and who is responsible for it? What role does the mourner have? Let's know the basic knowledge before the imminent situation of a funeral soon. I will explain it gently.

"Mourner" is the leader who precedes the funeral

A "mourner" is someone who takes the lead in a funeral. Looking at the kanji, the words are composed of "mourning" and "lord". As you read it, it means the person who is the Lord (leader) in the place of mourning (funeral). If you know the meaning of the words, you can probably imagine what kind of position and role the mourner plays.

Since the mourner is the person who precedes the funeral, he takes the lead in the funeral. In addition, he plays a central role in discussions and contracts with funeral shops and funeral venues, and also plays a central role in greeting attendees. It would be easier to understand if you think of it as the general representative of the side who sees off the deceased in the summary of the funeral.

Many people are involved in the funeral. Bereaved families and relatives of the deceased, funeral home employees. Crematorium staff, funeral shop employees. And regardless of the depth and shallowness of the ties, attendees. Neighbors. The number of people varies depending on the scale of the funeral, but since the funeral is the final stage of the life of the deceased and is a ritual to send the deceased to heaven, it involves more people than a small home party can do.

Even for small people, more than a dozen people, including funeral directors, monks, funeral homes and bereaved families, will be involved in one funeral. When it comes to large-scale ceremonies, there are more than hundreds of attendees, and dozens of people move around to prepare. Yes, funerals are not something that can be done alone, but in "groups" of a few to dozens of people, often hundreds of people, regardless of size. That is why we need "center people," "group organizers," and "representatives."

What is the role of the mourner? What should i do?

For example, who should employees of a funeral store or funeral home ask when setting up a funeral? Many people are involved in the funeral. Should I get the consent of my wife who came to help from a relative who carries alcohol and tea? Or should I talk to an uncle who came to help me assemble the altar from my relatives?

For funerals, you really need money. It's also about contracts. In such a case, if one of the funeral organizers is "a person who decides on behalf of the contract and money story", it will be difficult to develop into the problem of "saying" and "not saying" later. In addition, it is possible to prevent troubles such as "I have not heard that this amount is the amount" because someone other than the person who contributes the money signs the contract without permission.

Since the preparation for the funeral ritual must be done in a group, a person who gives instructions is absolutely necessary. Since it is a group, if each person prepares for good, the place will be confused. At school, wouldn't the class representatives and executive committee members give instructions or organize the class first when giving out the class? The role of the mourner is exactly the class representative and the funeral executive committee chairman.

To summarize briefly, the mourner does the following:

Representative of discussions with funeral directors and funeral directors
Become a contractor when contracting with a funeral director or funeral director. Or take the initiative to close the contract
Give instructions to prepare for the funeral
Say hello to the funeral attendees. Manage general greetings, talks with attendees, and funeral flow as a mourner
Coordinate with representatives of financial preparation
Be the representative of funeral notices (notify in the name of the mourner)
If you want to leave one of these to someone who hosts the funeral, such as a relative or bereaved family, ask the mourner to take the lead in the work.
The mourner is often the father or eldest son! However, there is no rule

These funeral tasks are centrally managed by the mourner, but may be performed by other relatives or bereaved families at the request of the mourner. However, since the mourner is like a representative of a funeral, even if he receives a job from the mourner, he will finally report it to the mourner and ask the mourner to make a decision. The mourner plays a central role in making the final decision on the sending side.

Now that you know the role of the mourner, let's talk about how the mourner should decide.

In general, the head of each family, that is, the "dad" or "eldest son," is often selected as the mourner. If you have attended a funeral, you know that in many cases, the name of the mourner was the father or eldest son of the house. However, the present age is not the time when the old patriarchal system was natural. The law does not limit the mourner to the eldest son or father. Although the eldest son and father are common, there are times when the mourner cannot be managed due to physical condition.

In that case, the mourner will be set up from those who are close to the deceased, such as the bereaved family. When choosing, consider the role of the mourner that I have talked about so far, and choose a person who has a sense of responsibility to serve as the mourner and a perspective of the whole. Of course, it can be a mother or daughter, and brothers and sisters often act as mourners. It is a good idea to discuss it with relatives close to the deceased.

Finally

The mourner is responsible for the leader of the funeral who sends the deceased. Funerals are difficult, so it is common for relatives and bereaved families to share their work. The mourner is like a class representative at a school festival or a school festival executive committee who allocates work to the host of such a funeral, plays a central role in decision making, directs, and leads contracts.

In general, the mourner is often the father or eldest son, but these days this is not the case. In many cases, other than the father and eldest son serve. The point is to carefully consider the role of the mourner and select from the bereaved and relatives by referring to the relationship with the deceased.