How to visit the grave

It seems that many people go to the grave several times a year, such as the equinoctial week and the Obon festival. Have you ever thought about the manners of visiting the grave?

Most of the time I go with my family or alone, and I may not have been aware of etiquette before.

This time, I will talk about the manners and manners of visiting a grave.

When and when to visit the grave

As mentioned at the beginning, visiting the graves often goes to the equinoctial week in spring and autumn, the Obon festival in July or August (there are differences between July in the new Obon festival and August in the old Obon festival depending on the region), and the day of death. is.

It is also easy to go when a family who normally lives apart returns home and everyone gathers, such as during the year-end and New Year holidays.

Regarding the year-end and New Year holidays, some people say that the luck is unpleasant and that it must be done by what day of December or that the third day of the new year should not be done, but in the first place, the ancestors are sleeping in the grave. The ancestors cannot be bad for their descendants. There is no time when you shouldn't go to the grave.

You can visit the grave as many times as you like at your own convenience and your family's convenience.

However, be aware that in areas where it snows, your feet may be uncomfortable due to snowfall.

The same applies to the time zone. There may be restrictions on the opening hours of the graveyard, but it is basic to go at a time that is easy to reach.

Since it is hot during the Obon festival, it is easier to visit in the early morning and evening than in the middle of the day. On the contrary, in the cold season, it is easier to visit in the middle of the day considering that the sunrise is late and the sunset is early and the temperature rises.

Clothes for visiting the grave

It is the clothes for visiting the grave, but in the case of bone-laying and legal affairs, it is said to be mourning.

In other cases, there is no particular rule, and there is no problem if it is not very gorgeous.

Considering cleaning the grave, it's better to wear comfortable clothes rather than clever clothes.

Depending on the location of the graveyard, there are many insects, so in such cases it is recommended to wear long sleeves and long pants.

What to bring to the grave

Be prepared with what you bring to the grave so that you don't panic or forget anything on the day.

The minimum requirements are flowers, candles, incense sticks, lighters and matches, and beads.

It would be nice to bring some alcohol, sweets and fruits that the deceased liked.

Another thing to keep in mind is cleaning tools.

At the very least, prepare work gloves for weeding around the grave, sponges and towels for cleaning the gravestone.

It is useful to have a toothbrush to clean the small parts of the tombstone. Use a soft sponge to avoid damaging the tombstone.

Pail or bucket or cassotte is often provided in the graveyard, but if you don't have one, bring it with you. In addition, prepare a broom and a garbage bag.

Procedure for visiting the grave

The general procedure for visiting a grave is as follows, although it may vary depending on each denomination and family custom.

Say hello to the graveyard manager.
When you arrive at the graveyard, first say hello to the graveyard manager with your daily gratitude. If it is a reien, visit the management office, and if it is a temple graveyard, visit the priest of the temple. I will borrow what you need here.
Clean your hands, draw water into a pail or bucket and head to the grave.
Wash your hands with the tap in the graveyard and draw water into a pail or bucket. The water supply is for everyone, so don't flood it or wash your extremely dirty hands.
Clean the grave after worshiping with everyone.
When you go to the front of the grave, first worship in the gassho and start cleaning. Pick up fallen leaves and debris and weed. It feels good to be able to wash the gravel if possible. It is surprisingly easy to put gravel in a colander and wash it with water. After removing the dead flowers and old candles, the next step is to clean the tombstones. Gently polish with a towel or sponge to prevent scratches. It is safe not to use detergent as it may cause stains. If too much water remains after cleaning, the tombstone will be damaged, so wipe it gently with a towel to remove water.
Put water in the flower stand and serve the flowers you brought.
Usually, the flower stands are paired, so insert flowers in both. There is no rule that the type of flower to be offered must be this, but it is common to avoid those with a strong scent, poison, or vines. It is said that you should avoid it because there are roses and thorns, but you can have the florist handle the thorns, so if you like the deceased, please offer it. If you bring other offerings, we will also offer them.
Serve incense sticks.
Light a candle with a lighter or match, and hold an incense stick over the candle to transfer the fire. Some people light the incense sticks directly with a lighter or match, but it is very difficult to light them outdoors because of the wind. There is also a risk of burns, so avoid it as much as possible. Also, do not breathe when extinguishing the fire. Fan it by hand or shake it with an incense stick to erase it.
All members worship in the gassho and serve as a servant.
After all the cleaning, it's time to visit. Hold the beads crouching in front of the grave and put your hands together. In your heart, you may give your ancestors daily gratitude and a status report.
Completely extinguish incense sticks and candles, and take your garbage home.

After your visit, put out the incense sticks and candles. Do not breathe at this time as well.

As for incense sticks, the administrator may look at them until they burn out, so be sure to check in advance. Be sure to take the garbage out of the cleaning with you.

You can leave the flowers you offered as they are, but crows and other foods will be messed up with food and drink, so be sure to take them home.

Other notes

For married people, the customs may differ between the parents'home where they were born and raised and their spouse's parents' home. It may be a regional difference, or it may be a difference in the customs of each house.

In any case, it is important to respect each other's customs.

It is best to visit your own grave at your own home, and visit your spouse's grave at that home.

Summary

I've talked about how to visit graves and etiquette, but I think many people knew more than they thought.

In fact, it can be said that the manners we naturally perform are the manners of visiting a grave that are passed down from parents to children. Parents are also naturally taught by their parents.

I am now thanks to my parents and ancestors. Let's visit with gratitude.