2020/10/07 11:30:45 Manners

I'm glad I knew it. Etiquette textbook when invited to a litigation

Although commuting and funerals are voluntary (in front of the building) attendance, legal affairs are basically invited to attend.

Not only relatives close to the deceased but also friends and acquaintances may be targeted. When you are invited to a litigation, let's review the manners of the litigation so that you will not be in trouble. In addition, it is premised on Buddhist affairs.

What is a legal affair?

A memorial service is a memorial service for the deceased, and is also called a "relief memorial service" because it means that the deceased will receive good rewards in the world.

First 7th, 27th (14th), 37th (21st), 47th (28th), 57th (35th), 67th (42nd), 7th every 7 days after death The 7th (49th) is said to be the anniversary memorial service, the 1st anniversary, the 3rd anniversary, the 7th anniversary, the 13th anniversary, etc.

According to Buddhist thinking, the dead are wandering between the world and the world until the 49th, which is called the bardo. Therefore, the legal affairs on the 49th will be bardoed on this day as a bardo.

It also means that the deceased will be memorialized by the anniversary memorial service until the 49th and the annual memorial service after that, and that the remaining people will have the opportunity to reconnect by meeting together, so they are invited. Try to attend as much as possible.

When the invitation comes

In legal affairs, a letter of invitation is usually sent from the owner.

It is stated that the reply will be by XX days, but let's reply as soon as possible regardless of the date.

This is because the owner has to prepare a dinner and gifts after the litigation, so he wants to know the number of people who will attend early.

In addition, the schedule is often set on Saturdays and Sundays just before the legal day according to the convenience of work and school, and as mentioned above, it is also a place where people who are related to the deceased meet together. Attend unless it is unavoidable.

If you are absent, please call us before replying to the invitation. It is common to say "for unavoidable circumstances" without giving a specific reason for absenteeism, but it may be better to talk about it depending on the relationship and circumstances.

What should I wear?

It is safe to wear black formal wear for the anniversary memorial service and the first anniversary until the 49th.

For men, white shirts, black ties, and socks and shoes should be black.

Women make black stockings as well as shoes. Skin-colored stockings and bare feet are a violation of etiquette.

For students, if they have uniforms, they will wear them, and socks and shoes will follow suit.

It doesn't have to be black, but avoid something that's too flashy. If you do not have a uniform, wear dark clothes such as black, gray, and navy blue.

Also, even children should not be barefoot. Be sure to wear socks.

After the third anniversary, the guide may say "in plain dress", but please note that plain dress is not everyday wear.

Black or dark gray suits and dresses are good. Small items such as ties and shoes should be black.

However, depending on the balance with other attendees and the venue of the legal affairs, the clothes that are considered good may differ, so it may be a good idea to check with the owner.

In addition, the owner may be reluctant to say "in everyday clothes", so in that case, ask other relatives and attendees.

What do you bring on the day?

What you must bring on the day of the memorial service are incense, offerings, and beads.

If you are staying overnight from afar, you need to prepare for your stay, but be sure to bring your own clothes and shoes, as the clothes you wear when traveling or staying at your accommodation are different from the clothes you attend at the litigation.

These are not cheap and it is quite difficult to procure locally. Also, it is easy to forget the beads, probably because they are small.

You will need it when you visit, so don't panic by putting it in your bag in advance. Wrap the incense in a fukusa and bring it with you.

Incense and offerings

Since dinner and gifts are often prepared in the litigation, the amount of the incense is also taken into consideration.

Depending on local customs and relationships with the deceased, the market price is about 10,000 to 20,000 yen, 20,000 yen for couples attending, plus 5,000 yen per person when accompanied by children. It looks good when you think about it.

Opinions are divided on whether or not to prepare the incense with a new bill.

In condolences, it is taboo to give the feeling of "preparing", so we will prepare bills that are not new bills for commuting and funerals, but there is also the idea that new bills are acceptable because the legal affairs are known in advance. There is.

It can be said that it is a painstaking measure, but there is also a method of preparing a new bill and then intentionally folding it to make a crease.

In any case, if you get lost, you should consult with your relatives.

The inscription on the incense bag is said to be "in front of the spirit" or "in front of the Buddha", but it depends on the denomination, so you can dare to use the safe "incense" and "fragrance".

Also, since it is a condolence, Mizuhiki is a knot that means "Do not let the same thing happen again", and the color is black and white until the 49th, and yellow and white after that.

We will prepare offerings such as sweets and fruits for 2,000 to 3,000 yen, but please check in advance as the customs differ depending on the region.

After the litigation is over, the people who attended often share it and take it home, so it is convenient to have it individually packaged. In addition, if you bring an offering, do not offer it to the Buddhist altar without permission, but be sure to hand it to the owner, "Please offer it."

If you are absent from the litigation, please send the incense by registered mail. Since the amount does not consider dinner and gifts, about 5,000 yen is recommended.

If it is too expensive, it will make the owner care. It would be even better to add an apology for not being able to attend.


A litigation that has fewer opportunities to attend than going to night or at a funeral. It may seem difficult due to various rules, but it is also an opportunity to inherit such things.

Especially for young people, isn't it easier to think that it is better to gradually learn while asking your parents' house rather than making a mistake by making a self-judgment?

Now, older relatives' uncles and aunts remembered that way when they were young.

It can be said that the litigation is a meeting place for the deceased's close friends. Let's all remember and thank the deceased.