2020/10/07 13:13:46 Manners

About manners that do not panic even at a sudden funeral, such as "How much do you need a scent?"

Of the many "manners" that exist, it is recognized that the manners of condolences are difficult.

There are various reasons why it is said to be difficult, such as being unable to remember because the number of experiences is small, not understanding the reasoning in the first place, and the differences in customs depending on the region, but it is difficult to teach aloud because of condolences. Isn't it a big factor?

However, I still don't want to be thankful. Understand the basic idea and overcome your weaknesses.

basic way of thinking

Regarding the manners of condolences, the basic idea is "do not prepare in advance". Of course, it doesn't mean that we don't really prepare.

If you are a student, it is okay to have a uniform, but if you are a member of society, it is natural that you have a mourning dress. In addition, although the circumstances differ depending on the religion, many people will have beads and a scent bag.

The important thing is that you don't feel like you were prepared. This is because I imagine that I was preparing and was waiting for death.

For example, the new bill is said to be taboo in the incense, but why? That is because new bills are "prepared" by financial institutions.

Bringing a wrinkled bill as an incense means that after hearing the news, I hurriedly took the money in my wallet and rushed.

For the same reason, the first time you ask a condolence, you are supposed to wear everyday clothes. (Of course, bright-colored clothes are NG.) It's important, so I repeat, the point is not to give the impression that you were waiting for death.

What is the market price of incense

Even if I think that I should wrap the incense immediately after hearing the news, I am wondering how much the market price is. As mentioned above, there are large differences in customs depending on the region in condolences, but in general, there are the following "market prices".

Neighbors 3,000-5,000 yen
General mourners such as company relations 5,000 to 10,000 yen
Persons concerned: 10,000 yen to 20,000 yen to 30,000 yen
Relatives, etc. 10,000 to 50,000 yen
Family 50,000 to 100,000 yen

Neighbors are so-called people in the neighborhood, and in the old days, they also provided the labor of helping with funerals, and it seems that they have a meaning of each other.

The market price for general mourners, such as company relations, is 5,000 yen or 10,000 yen, although it depends largely on the person's age and position, and the relationship with the deceased or bereaved family.

Family incense? It is often thought that it refers to a family other than the mourner's family. There may be only the incense, only the burden of offerings and flowers, or both. In either case, you can refer to the amount of money you have received before, regardless of whether it is a celebration or not.

In addition, the Mizuhiki of the incense bag is "knotted". This means that you don't want the same thing to happen again. It is good manners to write the table in light ink.

About how to burn incense

Perhaps one of the most troublesome things about attending a night or a funeral is burning incense. It's a quiet venue and it's hard for people around me to hear it, and even if I try to refer to the burning incense of the previous person, I can't see my hand because my back is facing me.

Seen from behind, the incense is on his forehead, and when it's his turn, he imitates eating. Here, we will introduce how to burn incense of the main Buddhist denominations.

There is no specific number of Tendai sect, so 1 to 3 times is a guide.
Shingon Buddhism usually 3 times
There is no specific number of times for the Jodo sect, so 1 to 3 times is a guide.
Rinzai sect, regardless of the number of times, but usually once
Soto sect: I don't care about the number of times, but usually it is twice, and the second time I often do not get the incense on my forehead.
Nichiren sect usually 3 times
Jodo Shinshu Honganji school is said to be once, Otani school is said to be twice

Among the above denominations, Jodo Shinshu does not receive incense on his forehead.

In addition, there is no particular rule on whether to match the denomination of the house where the funeral is held or to the denomination of the mourner himself, but it is important not to impair religious freedom, so sufficient consideration is required. By the way.

In terms of consideration, if there are many mourners, it may be politely burned once regardless of denomination.

How to donate flowers

Depending on the funeral you attend, it may be a flower offering.

There are no particular rules for offering flowers, but in general, the stems are placed first and the flowers are placed on the flower stand so that they are in front. We will use the ones that are prepared for the flowers, but we may bring your own flowers.

Tamagushi worship

At the Shinto funeral, which is called the Shinto funeral, Tamagushi worship is held. The Tamagushi dedication is as follows.

When you receive the tamagushi from the priesthood, support the leaves from below with your left hand and hold the root of Sakaki from above with your right hand. At this time, it is a good idea to stretch your elbows slightly so that they are at chest height.
Go to the front of the Tamagushi plan in front of the god and bow deeply.
Turn the tip of the tamagushi 90 degrees clockwise and lower your left hand to hold the base.
Support the center of the tamagushi from below with your right hand, and turn the tamagushi further clockwise so that the base faces the shrine. Release your left hand and place it under your right hand.
Go ahead a little and dedicate it on the tamagushi plan.

The worship is two gratitude, two clapping and one worship. Normal applause makes a noise, but at funerals, it is called "Shinobi-te" and stops just before hitting both hands to make a silent applause.

Funeral etiquette, what is an unexpected taboo?

So far, I've mentioned what you need to know about funeral etiquette, but finally, I would like to introduce a surprising taboo.

What action do you take first when you learn of someone's obituary?

Are you in a hurry to contact the family? In fact, this is something you shouldn't do. There is also the aspect of considering the feelings of the bereaved family, but there are also practical reasons.

Family members and relatives are gathering at the deceased's home. Also, some relatives will need to be contacted. For bereaved families who have to decide various things such as funeral dates in a short period of time, we want to minimize telephone communication.

Please refrain from contacting the bereaved family for a while. If you really want to check, it's a good idea to contact the funeral company that will be the venue.

If it is a funeral that accepts mourners, it will tell you the date and time, and if it is a family funeral, you can know that.


It's easy to get confused by the news that you hear suddenly, but if you're a general mourner, you're not in a situation of fighting for a minute and a second. By acting calmly, you will be careful not to be rude and will be able to express your heartfelt condolences.